Recently Dumped? Doctor Ned To The Rescue!
Doctor Ned is not a real doctor. He doesn't even play one on TV. Doctor Ned's advice is for entertainment purposes only and does not necessarily reflect the views of 98.1, Townsquare Media, or anyone for that matter.
Discretion is advised...
Recently dumped? Join the club! It's free! As long as your soul has been gutted, c'mon in!
Science is trying to help the suddenly-single with "getting over" breakups. What did they find?
THERE IS NO PERFECT STRATEGY FOR IMMEDIATELY GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
"Le sigh..." (Getty Images)
What the scientists (I didn't realize there were relationship scientists) found was the three best ways to cope with heartache. And no, none of them involve standing in your ex's front yard blasting your song at her bedroom window.
"Welp...I've got nothing..." (Getty Images)
THREE STRATEGIES FOR GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
#1: Perfect the Art of Distraction
Eating a lot seems to be the fastlane to improving your mood...but also filling that empty space in your bed with more of...you. I mean you'll get fat without actually dealing with your feelings. But at least you're good to go RIGHT NOW.
#2: Become a Major League-caliber Shade Thrower
Verbally trash your ex. Write down everything about them that bothered you or that you hated and DWELL ON THAT, SON! It'll wreck your mood, but at least you're mad instead of sad!
#3: Take It Like a Good Boy
Accept your feelings. Get whimsical and blurt out hot garbage phrases like, "I'm fine loving someone I can't be with anymore." You'll get a double-whammy here: not only will you not get over your ex, you'll also be in a terrible mood! Look at you, going all emo on the world! Are you gonna throw paint screaming at a blank canvas and call it "art"? Stumble around town brooding like you're a sparkly vampire in a terrible teenager movie? This is the dumbest strategy. Don't do it. You're not Team Edward. You need to be Team You.
Dr Ned Says: Try rediscovering all the hobbies that you loved to do and friends you hung out with before you fell in love with that turd of a human being. Most likely, you haven't been paying much attention to those things. Get your squad together for a night or thirteen of debauchery. You know how Casanova got over an ex-lover? He found ten more! Use protection, genius.
Despite being the single-longest thing we'll ever experience, life is short. Get the grief out and get on with your life. There's no set amount of time to "wait" before moving on from someone; when you're ready, get out there!