I mean...strangulation isn't usually a greeting... (Getty Images)

Flu season! Yay! Suddenly, everybody wants to shake your hand. They ignore you for most of the year, then want to spread their disease to you by way of guileful greeting.

Red Guard
Greetings from afar! VERY afar! Getty Images

We can't be rude. Well, we shouldn't be rude. Probably. But there are ways to be not-rude and still protect yourself from the flu.

How To Say Hi Without Dying

Double Fist For Health! - At a party? Keep food or drinks in both hands at all times. If someone reaches for a handshake, just look at your obviously full hands, then back to the idiot trying to shake your hand anyway.

Ick Them Out of a Handshake - Cough into your hands (both of them!) as soon as you're introduced to someone, then apologize for not wanting to shake hands. You could be seen as a hero!

Just Lie - Just come right out and say you're sick and shaking hands isn't a good idea. Hero!

Assertive Fist Bump - Even if they offer their hand, fist bump them. Awkward? Maybe. So?

An Old (Elementary) School Trick - Reach out for their offered hand, then pull away at the last moment and slick your hair back. Laugh to let them know you're not a jerk, even if you are.

Carry Hand Sanitizer Spray - When they reach out to shake your hand, whip out your sanitizer and hose their hands down. Still wet when you shake? Who cares! Wet but sterile!

Good luck.

Fears Of Swine Flu Pandemic Increase
Just saying hello, m'am... (Getty Images)

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