Survival Tips To Help You Get Through Today’s Heavy Rain [SATIRE]
It’s going to rain a lot today, and I’m not talking about raining men…more like cats and dogs. After today, you may or may not need to build an ark….
Here’s what you’ll need in order to get through the day if you're planning on being at the Benton County Fair, Rox game, We Fest, or anything else outside;
- Ark-Yep. It's supposed to rain pretty heavily all day.That’s a straight up flood right there.
- Life boat-Come on, we’ve all seen Titanic. You know what happens if you’re not prepared. I’ll never let go, Jack!!
- Life jacket-In case your ark and life boat both fail you, be prepared with a plan C. This is serious business.
- Two of every animal-Because, once the water level goes down, we’ll need to repopulate the Earth. That’s just a fact.
- Fishing pole-You’ll need to figure out how to eat when you’re stranded on your ark.The other animals on board are off limits!
- Rain shoes-Your feet are going to get wet no matter what–rain shoes just look cool.
- Space heater-It’s going to be raining AND it's kind of cold. It’s a double whammy. At least your boat will feel comfortable.
- Sump pump-If by some chance your home survives, you’ll probably need a sump pump, and make it work overtime for a few weeks.
Things you shouldn’t do today;
- Use an umbrella-You don’t need an umbrella because every time it rains super hard out, the umbrella blows around and folds upward anyway. No, I don’t want to collect all of the water like a bowl above my head.
- Your hair-Throw it up in a pony or shave it off. There’s no helping it today. It will be a frizzy mess.
- Play Pokemon Go outside-Don’t ruin your phone in the rain. But, in all honesty, if you were a serious Pokemon Go fan, you’d already own a waterproof case.
In all seriousness, be careful out there, stay safe and pay attention to your local radio stations for the latest weather updates. It’s going to rain A LOT today!