The Florida Man Games took place this past Saturday (2/24/24) and lived up to the hype. Wrestling while holding a beer? Check. A "Theft-Simulation Relay"? Check.

My sleep-deprived yet caffeine-riddled brain got to thinking: what would The Minnesota Man Games look like? Probably a whole lotta lutefisk and ice.

Event #1: Lutefisk Eating Competition

Professional Eaters Compete In Nathan's Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest
Joey doesn't stand a chance against your grandpa (Getty Images)

Eating one helping (emphasis on HELP) is bad enough: what about eating A LOT of lutefisk?

I don't know if people could even WATCH something like this; it'd have to be shown on a TV in a room separate (both physically and HVAC-ally) from the competitors. Even if Joey Chestnut shows up, the battle will come down to grandpas from the Iron Range.

Event #2: Snow Shoveling Competition

Major Blizzard Roars Through Chicago Area
The Walking Dead: Minnesota (Getty Images)

Who can brush off their car, scrape their windshield, and clear the driveway (with a shovel) first? Only the goodest of the good dads, because the moms were smart enough to park in the garage and wait for the dads to clear the driveway.

Event #3: Whipping Sh!tties

British Motor Show 2023
Oh, so you roll coal? That's cute... (Getty Images)

The *unwarshed heathens of the world call it "doing donuts". They're wrong. They probably call it "soda", too. They're wrong. It's pop.

How many sh!tties can you whip without crashing? The winner gets gold AND new tires.

*not a misspelling

Event #4: Fishin' and Beerin'

Shark Fishing
What's gonna work? TEAMWORK (Getty Images)

It'd be even more entertaining if the competition was like the picture above. Even so, competitive fishing-and-drinking could be fun. There'd have to be sober drivers for the boats, but judge the competitors on beers-drank-to-fish-caught ratio with a minimum of 10 beers to drink in an hour.

If they fall in, they're out. If they barf, they're out. If they answer a phone call from their angry spouse/significant other, they're out.

What'd I miss? What would be included in the Minnesota Man Games?

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