Need a lot of square footage without a lot of yard? Are five bedrooms and five bathrooms finally enough for you? Are you filthy rich?

If you answered "yes" to at least the last question then this might be the house for you.

6000+ Square Feet on Less Than Half an Acre for Less Than $4 Million

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Such luxury for 3 months a year... (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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The kitchen is all I want. Someone else can have the rest of the house.

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
The fanciest mac & cheese you've ever had (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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I dream of having a kitchen with an exhaust fan above the stove that actually takes the smoke from my steak searing and blows it outside instead of right back into my fat face. I'm a simple man with simple desires.

Among the appliances included in the bargain for this fixer-uppity is an "air-to-air exchanger". Is that Rich Lingo for "central air"?


Enter a World Your Poor Eyes Haven't Seen In-Person

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
180: what the wealthy want your poor butt to do upon entry (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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Is that a bench for sitting on to take your shoes off? Do rich people not know the joy of ripping their shoes off by the heel and just kicking them onto the pile of other shoes?

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
So. Much. Glass. (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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That's a lot of glass to clean smudge marks off of. Plus: people get to watch you stumble up/fall down the stairs.


There are walk-in closets, and then there's this:

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Still not big enough for all of my concert t-shirts (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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Those are a lot of junk drawers. That's what goes in those, right? Then bench is long enough to lay on when you're tryyyyyyyyyying to squeeze into those pants that fit just fine last week I swear...


Entertaining

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
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The listing boasts about the property's "expansive entertaining". Well, when you don't know what to fill Room #23 with, you can just default to "entertaining". I don't see a single Nintendo or Xbox among these pictures, and that's just embarrassing.

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Is the "Peanut Gallery" Couch included? (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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Still no Nintendo Switch. Do these people even know how to Lazy?

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Watch me botch "Chopsticks" on this grand piano (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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I used to be able to play part of the intro to Journey's "Faithfully" on piano. Good times.

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
U.S. Open? Oh come on... (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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This place is so fancy it even come with a room full of clothes hangers exercise equipment.

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Does sweat from rich humans season wood gooder? (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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NOW THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. Saunas are for fat guys who want to sweat without the work. I am that guy.


Hey Hey We're the Biffies

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Is this bathroom just for narrow people? (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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Better stock up on Windex, because that shower door is going to have a lot of leg imprints on it.

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Grey, like your poop because you won't go to the doctor (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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Who has that many white hand towels? Did they rob a hotel?

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
That's a lotta shower (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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I've never had a shower big enough for the controls to be on the opposite side of the shower head. This is just visual gibberish to me.

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
The most normal pic in the entire lot (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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This must be the bathroom that you let your poor relatives use, just so they won't be confused.


Where the Magic Happens

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Your poorer neighbors can watch (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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"The Magic" for me happens on the toilet, which explains a lot. This bedroom has a nice padded headboard, but where do you attach the handcuffs? Asking for a fellow Poor.

It might be from looking at houses like this through my Poor Person Eyes, but holy beans this is a lot of house for a lotter money. I've had apartments smaller than this bedroom:

Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results
Does the Vikings pillow have to be included? (Chris Ames, RE/MAX Results)
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"Work Hard" definitely sounds better than "Have Generational Wealth", but I won't snark the "be nice to people" part.

This place can be yours for just $3,995,000. Check out the full listing for all the details.

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H/T: Bring Me the News

MN Home For Sale Gives Us Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous Vibes

A Plymouth, MN home that has been listed for sale for nearly $1.5 million includes an indoor pool, waterslide, a putting green, and plenty of space inside and outside for entertaining. The home is listed by Coldwell Banker Realty agent Gregg Larsen.

Gallery Credit: Image Credit: Gregg Larsen Coldwell Banker Realty

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