Distractions For Minnesotans Now That The Vikings’ Season Is Over
"This team would be so great if we actually had a decent quarterback, not this Cousins idiot."
"Cousins is a bum! Get rid of him!"
You got your wish, jerkfaces: Kirk Cousins is likely done for the season after blowing up his Achilles tendon after beating up on Deh Packers in Lambeau.
So...what to do now that the season's effectively over? I'm glad I asked. You're welcome!
#1: Watch Dah Packers Continue to Suck
For as rough as a season the Vikings have had, it's been worse for Dah Packers. They're now 2-5 on the season with a quarterback who possesses the 5th-worst quarterback rating in the league. He's only 24 and has a high ceiling, but this year doesn't look like it'll be his breakout year.
#2: Trade Your Viking Horns for Horn-Rimmed Glasses
A ton of stars are coming to the Twin Cities this weekend for Twin Cities Con. Heck, make use of your Sunday-best attire and cosplay as a hapless football fan.
#3: Get a Head Start on Holiday Shopping
Black Friday deals used to be exclusive to...uh, Black Friday. The day after Thanksgiving - that day where we're supposedly thankful for all that we have - we then turn big box stores into WWE pay-per-views (er, now they're called "Premium Live Events"). You haven't lived until you've thrown hands with a soccer mom over a TV.
Target just kicked off their "Black Friday" deals yesterday (10/29). I lost my $#*% when Black Friday deals were being started weeks before Thanksgiving...but now in October?! This has gone too far!
#4: Rage With Choad About Black Friday Deals Happening in October
Seriously! October belongs to the dead, November belongs to the turkey, and December belongs to
unfettered capitalism the jolly fat man in a red suit.
These are lines that should not be crossed. The downfall of society will be directly linked to our inability to allow each month to have its own thing.
Definitely not all of the other things.