I'm dressed as a functional alcoholic! (Getty Images)

Ya know what goes great with Halloween candy (besides not hearing your kids complain about your "Halloween tax")? Booze.

Alcohol is technically a solution, so...

Instead of pairing fancy food with fancy booze, let's pair Halloween candy with booze!


1) Butterfingers: a medium-bodied, buttery chardonnay. Or scotch.

2) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: a sweet wine like Lambrusco. I prefer scotch.

3) Kit Kats: a red wine like Pinot Noir or Syrah. Try scotch, though.

4) Snickers: Syrah. Whatever. Scotch it is.

5) Starburst/Nerds/straight sugar candy: a dry Riesling, or a dry rosé...whatever that is. If scotch doesn't work for you, try bourbon.

6) Candy corn: everclear. Or maybe moonshine. You need a really strong booze to kill your taste buds and mask the wretchedness of candy corn. Don't waste scotch on this abomination.


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