Merry $$$$$mas! It's the most profitable time of the year!

For somebody. Definitely not me, and probably not you.

The 12 Days of Christmas is the classic tale of capitalism gone awry. For nearly 2 weeks, some sucker buries his/her love interest in stuff. Here's a bunch of drummers LOVE ME!!

gross
"Uh...I prefer bassists..." (Photo by OSPAN ALI on Unsplash)
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What Would the 12 Days of Christmas Cost in 2023?

How desperate the protagonist is determines the cost. Is he (it's probably a he) buying just the daily gifts, or is he compounding the misery fun and buying that day's thing PLUS the previous days' things? Did he plan ahead and stock up Love Currency during Black Friday? Not likely.

The grand total for buying All of the Things Once is $46,730 (2.7% more than last year for the ragers). If this idiot (we'll call him Greg) buys The Things over and over again like the song kinda implies, it's over $200,000.

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The 13th Day of Christmas

Did she say "yes" to the mess? The song never confirms that; but unless she's more materialistic than Madonna and has a giant homestead to keep all of those things/people/animals, Greg is just setting himself up for disaster.

What is he going to do with all of those lords jumping around?

That's a lot of birds, too, and birds poop a lot. Is Greg prepared to clean bird poop off the lords, the drummers, the maids...and those gold rings?! Jewelry cleaning isn't cheap.

No, I think Greg's an idiot for blowing this much money on stuff and people and birds...all for a love interest. Even if she's his wife; is she a hoarder? Is Greg just feeding her hoarding addiction? Greg needs to buy a TV and watch shows about hoarders.

Unfortunately, Greg's already broke from buying a bunch of gifts, storing said gifts, and cleaning bird poop off of said gifts.

Don't be Greg.

Anyway, check out the PNC Christmas Index for a breakdown of Greg's shopping spree.

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