"Daddy's a Virgo, dear, so we can't stay in Brainerd for a minute longer" (Getty Images)

Is St Cloud not jiving with your ju-ju ? Does Cold Spring freeze your feng shui?

Need a dumb excuse to move? You're in luck! And insane.

Insider has given those who live by their horoscopes 'guidance' on where to live.

Observe:

  • an Aries needs to live in Chicago, because you need excitement, and there's nothing like the very real possibility of getting murdered to make life exciting.
  • a Taurus should move to Westport, Connecticut, because you need to be close to a big city (NYC), but not in one.
  • a Gemini must stiffen their upper lip and move to London. You're into education and museums, and 'Merica don't do dat much no more.
  • a Cancer should pack up and go to Charleston, South Carolina, because you need financial security, privacy, and reproducing. Apparently, Charleston is good for all three.
  • Un Leo debería mudarse a España ('Merican: a Leo should move to Spain). Leos love sunshine and entertaining. Apparently, Spaniards are vain, too.
  • a Virgo needs order, nature, and community; and you need to go to Stockholm, Sweden to complete yourself.
  • a Libra needs to check out the Czech Republic, home of lots of culture and lots of safety.
  • Hey Scorpio! You wanna go to Tokyo! You're trendy and intense...and so is Tokyo?
  • Capricorns are hoarders (?), so go to a place that is stylish and kinda cheap, with spacious places...you should go to Berlin, Germany!
  • An Aquarius is quirky, active in the community, but still prefer to do your own thing. Austin, Texas is all for you!
  • Pisces needs to be close to water and music. Travel to Salzburg, Austria! Mozart was born there, "The Sound of Music" was filmed near there, and it's on a river!

Don't forget to see me about buying a bridge before you leave!

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