Have you ever been in a long term relationship that ended badly? These relationships ending can be very difficult for people to go through. What makes them worse, is when one party decides to tell lies about the person they are breaking up with. The question: Why do people do this? How do you survive the lies they are spreading about you? Is there anything you can do to protect yourself?

 

I'm still hearing things that my ex has told people states away that still shock me. When I confronted him on his actions, he dismissed them, and just wanted to move forward.

You can't just DISMISS things that are said about you. The hard part for me is always, "How do you defend yourself against someone who does this?"  Why do they do this?" and "Does the cream every rise to the top?"

 

HOW TO DEAL WITH DECEPTION

In my experience, you can worry and worry about what they are saying about you. You can cry and feel hurt and wonder why they would ever do this to you. You can try to call all of the people they told lies to and try to protect yourself. In the end, there's really nothing you can do except move forward. This is the other persons way of showing control over you. It's a weak move, but it happens more than you think.

The best way to live moving forward... is to live well. Don't give your energy to the deception and the past. Don't waste your time trying to defend. Be the best you and move forward towards a healthy future. Everyone makes mistakes, but your actions speak louder than words. I know..Easier said than done...but you CAN do it.

 

DON'T GIVE IN

For years I lived in fear of my ex's words. It made my blood pressure rise. It's not fair. It's not right. This isn't the way I grew up, and I knew that his family would never had taught him to be this way.

AND...Just because they are lying about you, doesn't mean you should tell lies about them. They are probably trying to hide their wrongs but redirecting the attention toward you.  Although it would be great to know that they can feel what it's like to have false statements made about your character, it's still not the right thing to do; and eventually, they will get caught up in their own discrepancies. If people really care, they'll figure things out. Just know that most people could care less what happened in your relationship.

The people that are close to you will know your heart, and although I've heard it said that "The truth lies somewhere in between.." it is not always a true statement. You can be shocked, hurt, horrified... and try to defend yourself, but no matter what you, it just makes you look crazy...so you might as well give up that battle.

YES IT HURTS..BUT YOU CAN DO IT

Breaking up is one thing...it hurts.  Lying about someone takes the breakup to a totally different level that no one should have to go through.

To all those who have been in a controlling relationship; to those who leave the relationship, despite the malicious actions and unfathomable rumors; You can go on. Worry serves no useful purpose. Those that know the real you will know your heart. Don't stay stuck somewhere you don't want to be. Most importantly: realizing that the fault is not in YOU. You are not the problem. The person putting you in this position is 'missing' something in their lives...and they redirect that onto others. Believe me...Once you leave, you will not be the first...nor the last person that this happens to.

TO LEARN MORE...

If you need help with dealing with someone who is deceptive, check out the following articles.

UNDERSTANDING WHY

UNDERSTANDING NARCISSIM