Our bodies know the difference between solid and gas, and which one is safe to expel when away from a toilet. That doesn't get nearly enough props as it should.

Every time The Enterprise (Star Trek) boldly went where no one had gone before...they met someone.

A penny saved is more valuable than a penny earned because you don't have to pay taxes on it.

Centaurs can't do situps, so how do they always have chiseled abs?

Divorce: when you confuse a hard life lesson for a soulmate.

The fact that it took decades to put a volume control on microwaves does not give me much hope for the human race.

I think I could get into NASCAR if the goal was to finish fourth instead of first.

Somewhere, sometime, your future self is saying horrible things about you.

Saying YOLO and then doing something dumb that could kill you is the exact opposite of how YOLO should be used.


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